Nov 22, 2010

Hey, blogger

I miss you more than I should, but you probably don't miss me as much.



Oh, and I now write here: http://subhash91.livejournal.com
It's a lot less messy. I think.

Sep 20, 2010

Goodnight, goodnight

I've created a proper blog. Something less messy and more official. If I think you should see it, you will see it on my facebook page somewhere. Otherwise I either don't want you to know my thoughts or I accidentally messed up the privacy settings.

University life is fun, but tiring. I enjoy the freedom that comes with living away from my parents and the philosophical nature of most of the subjects I take. However, it isn't something I think I should take lightly. I tend to overstep boundaries. I'm not very good at managing freedom, so I've placed bans. No more alcohol while I'm in KL. No more unnecessary purchases(though this ban isn't very clearly defined OR enforced YET).

What was I saying?

Oh yeah. Mmm. I'll still blog on THIS blog from time to time, but the other two(links in the sidebar) will be phased out and merged by the end of the year. Just like how I transfered the Purplist episodes from its own website to the junkyard, I'll transfer the posts from the Junkyard and 2012 blog to this one. Then it'll be one big happy family.

This will be more of a personal, messy sorta blog. Where I blog about whatever I want without needing to structure the posts properly. But the Livejournal one will be a hardcore blog. I mean one that can be taken seriously.

Stay tuned for links!

Sep 16, 2010

so. we go alone now, the both of us
Only I don't have as far to go as you

Sep 2, 2010

I am in misery

I looked all around the internet for a comfortable spot. There's nothing here that's very comfortable. Except for the warmth of the laptop. That's right people, I'm in K-hell.

The moment I got here I got uncomfortable. It's the liberty, the hospitality. It ought to be inspiring. I really am trying my best to be inspired. But all KL does to you is leave you very scared. And overstimulated, I guess.

Everything here feels too intense. Making jokes is so much easier. Being depressed is 10X more depressing. Just worrying itself worries me; it's not like me to worry.


It's 5:32AM. I ought to be very sleepy, having risen at 7. But instead I am wide awake.

I ought to be very tired, having travelled around, lugging, well, luggage for the better part of the day. But I am surprisingly limber, except for the occasional scraping sensation in my kneecaps.

I also ought to be thoroughly entertained with Mafia II, having anticipated its release for over a month. I brought the Xbox up just to play it. Nothing. My mind simply refuses to feel good about the game, or anything.

I will probably go for a walk. I want to see this part of the town wake up. It should take my mind off things. Because the booze has failed to do its job right. It has only made things much more unbearable.

Aug 30, 2010

You will be baked, and then there will be cake

Today's my last day of being at home. I know that once you leave home, you can never truly come back, but that's ok. Home is where the PC is.

For that reason, I've decided to transfer my PC, Xbox and eventually my sound system to KL. Because I'm just dependent on them like that.

When I do reach KL and get settled in with my PC (which will be coming a week later, I hope), I will begin work on my weekly written show. It'll be on a different blog and will be about things people actually like reading about. So it's a bit like your typical weekly youtube show, except its all words, I'm writing, and no ones watching/reading.

Didn't I already talk about this once before? Yes I did, I'm just excited to get back to writing.

Anywhossels. This will be my last post from home. Pity I didn't leave on a high note. There was a time when the blogosphere was alive. Now it seems we've settled to just reading what the talented people have to write. Natural Elitism in the Blogosphere! I will not stand for it!

I think I'll go play one last super awesome game of Company of Heroes, then pack everything I want moved up up.(not a typo)

Goodbye!

With my feet upon the ground
i move myself between the sounds
& open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up & reaching out I'm reaching for
the random or
what ever will bewilder me.
what
ever will be-
wilder me.
& following our will & wind
we may just go where no one's been.
we'll ride the spiral to the end & may just go where no one's been.
spiral out. keep going.

Aug 29, 2010

Everybody forgets

Nobody remembers. Well, not nobody. Some people remember some things. Selective amnesia. Or was it selective memory? I can't remember.


Aug 20, 2010

Isn't it time for MY pound of flesh?

Duty is important. I think I learnt it the easy, slow way, the way I learn most things. By all means, question duty, but not the way a kid asks why he has to eat his vegetables. Sometimes when I'm in the middle of my nightly routine, I ask myself, "Is this really necessary? Is this really what I want?". The answer is sometimes "yes". It never lingers to a "no", but it sometimes treads dangerously close.


When I was a student at college months ago, I did my duty wholeheartedly. I found friends and enjoyed my time there. I took chances and tried not to be my usual fussy self when asked to perform, host or help out with extracurricular activities. The reason I did this was not because I wanted to, but because I was duty-bound. It was my duty to enjoy it, otherwise I would have looked back and found someone to blame for a boring year. It was also my duty to study, because my parents invested a great deal of money in my education. And so I studied, and enjoyed studying. So that there would be no blame for failure or boredom.


Sometimes I get confused. I know that I do not know what my heart wants. I can only guess if my choices are all bound by my duty as a friend, son, brother, student or blogger or if I make some of them without thinking of consequence.

For now, consequence must be my determinant. Whenever I make a good choice, it is one that I've made because I was duty bound. The bad choices are all linked to my gut feeling.
My heart says do one thing but my head says don't be stupid.
Just this week I've made some very important decisions.


Most of the time, my head is right. I didn't want to go jamming today because I was convinced that it wasn't worth the effort.

But being tied to the duties of a friend meant that I had to go. And I ended up enjoying it thoroughly.


Just a sidenote--
I know I've talked about choices being silly misconceptions of what really goes on in our mind in an objective sense, but there's a difference. I'm talking about the consequences of my actions that somehow seem malleable, like there was an actual choice involved. It's science. And this blog is no place for scientific explanation.



Ugh, I hate talking like I know what I'm talking about sometimes. It's so much more enjoyable if there's actually someone reading or listening.

In short, I do regret that some non-choices have been made and that I sometimes have too little influence over the people who make me who I am. It's as if I'm being shaped by my inability to shape others. Hopefully, a new city will solve this.

Also, I am very tired of being duty bound. I don't get what I want because it's the noble thing to do. My brain says shut up, but my heart says speak up.

Where's my beer goddammit


Aug 15, 2010

The relief washes over me in an awesome wave

It's almost like I don't know who you are anymore, Blogspot. Sure you look the same, but something inside you has changed.

We used to be able to connect. I'd come in with my photos and you'd just sit back and let me write out a post. But now, it has become am awkward process. Maybe it's me. Yeah, maybe it is me. I used to be a little more disciplined with you, and myself. Whenever I went for an adventure, I would write out the post in my head, then go home and write a post that was completely different from the one I had in mind(except for a few minor details).

Nowadays, the voice in my head narrates my life instead of making notes of key moments. I think it all started after playing Alan Wake. Alan Wake's inner monologue was so good I just had to pick that up and make that a part of me. But no longer. Sure it made my life sound a bit more interesting, but only to me.


wow. I just stopped writing for about half an hour. Why is it so hard. Ugh, it must be this watch. Imma take it off now. *takes off watch*

That didn't work either.
I took the watch off about ten minutes ago.

Oh yes, I have something to talk about now. My watch(a fake I got from the best place to shop in Malaysia, Petaling Street) was clearly made on Mars, where the months of the day end on the 39th and start 00th(is that pronounced zeroth? Shit, I didn't even get that red zigzag line that indicates a misspell when i wrote zeroth.)

I took the picture convinced the date would revert to '01', but if went up to '39', and restarted with two zeros. Like I said. Mars, man.

So, anyways. It was my birthday last week and I decided to spend it the way I like best. Alone. But with friends, both online and in real life. Jeez does that even make sense?

Ok, first off, I had to prove to myself that I wasn't that old. When I was 14, I was able to stay wide awake for about 36 hours before taking a nap. But ever since then, I've only managed about 20-odd hours before telling myself I ought to go to bed. The average holiday would see me wake up round 11am, and sleeping round 7am.

I tried staying up on the beaches of Penang with my friends, but I eventually gave in.

I guess it's when the sun rises. Sunlight. It gives off a sickly vibe.
I spend the whole night enjoying my privacy and the endless supply of food in kitchen downstairs.

Then the sun comes up and, like an annoying acquaintance, invades your privacy and asks if you want to hang out.

"NO I DON'T BLOODY WANT TO HANG OUT"

That's what it sounds like in my head, but I usually just say I've got stuff to do, then go to sleep. Because it's rude to be rude to the sun.

Anyway!

I had to see if I was still up to it. I stayed up all night and then went out for a walk.

To see if I could handle challenge number 2.

You probably guessed this was on the list. No, not another boring haunted house raid, the good old green drain near my house.

It was already 8am, and I was showing no sign of weariness. Which was, of course, a good sign.


But then, trouble!

I hadn't been in that drain for well over 2 months. 2 months of Malaysian hardcore rain does an amazing job of changing the shape of the places you once knew.


As you can see, my left foot landed in the river. I was up to my sock in algae. yuuck.
That's right, I fell in the river. I've never fallen in before. Strike one.

Further up, I found the rain had more than altered the landscape, it had destroyed the best bits.

The log-bridge that was once strong enough for me to climb over had crashed down onto that large, difficult to traverse cement structure. Well, at least now it was easy to traverse.

But the real problem came right after that. It's hard to explain how difficult it is to cross a stream that is 1 foot deep and 1 meter wide. But these pictures should give you an idea of where exactly I got stuck.





Yeah. I fell in three times. I walked out muttering to myself, "shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck".
Never again. Some things should just be revisited in memory.

Anywhossels.

I found out that my shoes were quite waterproof.

Then I found that waterproofing works both ways.

8.30 pm:
And when the water found its way through the gaps between the shoes and my socks, it got in in and stayed in.


For an hour and a half.

10.00 am:
The soggiest my socks have ever been.

So I promised myself never to go down that drain again.


I also got a surprise from my college buddies. Nothing like cake in the face in the morning. It was extremely nice of them, and I don't want to ruin it by describing anything.

In the last month, I've been to KL and back 3 times. It was nice, at first. I liked being forced out of the comfort and laziness of my own home. But then it got really tiresome really fast. Chores, duty, fruitless labour. It got very tiring. And frustrating.


Ughh, I don't want talk about that. Not now, and not here anyway.

Oh yeah, and Chili's makes burgers just as well as Fridays. The only difference is that Chili's serves Kilkenny beer.


WTF on the number plate of a smacked up car.
The jams in KL are good for taking photos.



Oh yeah, the most badass, weird name for a town ever, I have found it. Minyak Beku. Literally, Frozen Oil. LOL.

That was taken in Batu Pahat.


Methods of smuggling booze:
Put it under the carpet and get a drunk looking injun to distract the customs officers.


Anal-humpin' gay dogs in Julian's house. If you can't see the smaller dog, you'll have to squint, the lighting is horrible!



Sorry, I had to rush through the pictures. I think it was the pictures that delayed this whole post. Usually when I don't have anything to write about, the pictures help out. I feel at least a month's worth of posts have gone unpublished because everytime I feel like blogging, I remember I have THIS post to finish off first.


BUT, I promise, that will all change. When I start my course at HELP university(yeah, I ended up choosing to do Law instead.), I will probably begin episodic blogging.

As in, one post on the weekends, which will comprise of several sections.

This will be done in/on a different blog (haven't decided if I'm going to stick with Blogspot, or try something else) and will be worked on a schedule, so it doesn't end up being neglected.

The sections I hope to cover each week are as follows:

1)strange news
2)anecdotes and retarded reallife situations
3)youtube video of the week
4)game/movie review/postmortem
5) pseudo-philosophy
6)regular comic/purplist-like episode

This way, I can sorta combine my current blogs into a super blog and save everybody's time.

I will post a warning on facebook around mid-september to remind everyone who reads this stuff.

That is all. Suggestions and insults in the cbox, plstq.

I also am passively happy again. But I don't want to talk about that. Not here anyway.

starting 28/9/08